Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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