a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
