Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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