Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
