dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize