Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just pee around me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
