never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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