Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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