my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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