Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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