Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
