what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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