I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
