he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
