I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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