just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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