Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
