Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I believe in your delicious
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
