Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.