I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.