Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.