woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me