Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!