you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
