It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
