The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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