So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the day after is always just damage control
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
