people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize