my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
