you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
