suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
