No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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