How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
