Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
