then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he shaved USA in his pubs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk is not a location!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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