So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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