is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
