You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
