im drinking this country out of the recession.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.