What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job