i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
two words...techno handjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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