do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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