When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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