Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
