I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
