bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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