I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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