She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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