Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
