Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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