You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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