I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize