The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
