Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is my gift to your gina
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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