I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
